I have behaved badly in lots of ways over the last year. I think in part of what I have been doing in my art is trying to find some goodness in myself, when I started to doubt myself. I also know that there are a few more apologies I will need to send out in a few different directions. I feel like rubbish but prayer helps me change these patterns. I think we are all made up of the same experiences and expectations and ideas and goals and some people due to circumstances get access to these lessons sooner than others, some things I may never understand. I feel like I am way ahead of the crowd in some areas and way way behind in others. We might all get it right by the end if we live long enough. I went to a funeral yesterday for a good man who I didn't know very well (I was there for his family more so). But on a brochure in the church my brother pointed to me and it said something like " if you can't find any good people...be one". Thing is there are loads of good people out there. I am one too. Many of us would like the people around us to have the same opportunities to gain the most out of life - whatever this looks like and however this comes about.
0 Comments
Which is great. Thing is, I really don't know what I am doing from day to day and remember I really don't have extensive knowledge on any one topic. It is reflections of my life around me...which has been too much T.V. at the moment, which keeps me company while I am cleaning. My process just starts with moving materials around, paints and inks, which sorts out my thoughts. What I am doing right now instead of artwork is cleaning out window tracks before we move out. Now there is quite a few hours I will never get back. To get a cleaner in is very expensive, but they earn every dollar they get and then some. My Nana was a cleaner in a public school and I don't know that she was thanked enough? She never complained. Please remember that the images I make are also questions. Some are images of how I see myself but others are images of how the world might see me and how I feel I am supposed to present myself to the world to gain acceptance or appreciation or I am not sure what. I get lots of on what I should be doing artistically or practically in the world because art does not pay much. I don't know personally too many artists who do it for the money. We go in knowing this. I guess this keeps coming up for me because there are people who make subtle suggestions that they don't see the value in what I do. Maybe I am misinterpreting subtle now but either way I am going to keep doing it. Superiority at play all around us. This is a cycle too. When people tell a superiority story they have either just done it themselves or have been the butt end of it. I don't think anyone is exempt from exerting it or taking it, in a first world country in average suburban land anyway. Probably does not play out like this in other parts of the world. Cleaning makes my thoughts a bit random hey??? Even the use of Wikipedia to do the essay I posted a while back was an intentional one - it could well contain dubious information but it is mostly good isn't it...it becomes a superiority point of conversation too. I would not get away with it in other study disciplines and probably wouldn't further into the written theory of art either.
All my time is going into painting walls and sealing floors and dealing galore, getting ready to move. It is killing my creativity right now but a fresh start is going to be good!
We decided to rip out the bathroom and put in some new elements. We will be a little uncomfortable for a while, while we do this so that whoever it is that calls our place home next will find it very comfortable and warm and welcome. Probably doesn't financially make sense.
Another great program I am loving 'When I get a minute' Annabel Crabb and Leigh Sales (iview). I am using their suggestions as my reading recommendation resource - except I can't keep up the pace. Anyway another book suggestion is 'Do No Harm' by Henry Marsh (2014). I am finding it comforting in relation to mistakes I have made such as those displayed in my social fabric piece I posted a couple of days ago. Mistakes?? I don't blame myself entirely but do regret my own ignorance, inability or whatever other limitations prevented me from helping these people further. Relocating my house also has its benefits by finding things again. I found and read my Year 2 Story book (1983) my Mum handed back to me about a year ago. I was making mistakes back then, I'll keep making mistakes but hopefully make less or respond to them better. Keep learning, like Henry suggests, often the hard way. I did a lot of cooking with my mother growing up and whenever there was a mistake, she often came up with a solution. I remember feeling very privileged to be behind those post boxes and wondering about what was in each letter.
Going through some of the artwork I have done, throwing out whatever does not have to come to Canberra with us. At TAFE in 2013 I did this artwork on canvas and called it Social Fabric. I guess the injustices that plague us keep coming back over and over. I can't think of a better way to describe the process of that last sentence? Anyway this was from some time I spent in Redfern and seeing some of the people that I felt completely and utterly helpless to help above the standard formal processes. I started at one end of the canvas from left to right and it was for me like writing a sorry note to these people. It honestly still upsets me to see it even though it helped me to let some of it go. This happens in our country and circumstances that are certainly not contained to one suburb. Don't read the next paragraph if you are a bit squeamish.
Schizophrenic man plagued with creatures in his mind he couldn't get away from and using a knife, cutting into his own hands, man so off his face he smashed the windscreens of about ten cars along one street with his own head, who I sat with in hospital afterwards helpless, a woman who was glassed on the face but her only concern was getting back to her kids at home, man hung himself on the back of his bedroom door with an electrical cord alone, girl with her legs trapped under the dashboard after an accident, transgender with mental illness just needing someone to sit and talk with her, David who hit people over the head in the park randomly??, mother crying in the gutter after her son had beaten up his girlfriend, mentally ill woman unconscious in her apartment hypoglycemic, children running barefoot in an area with loads of needles, overdosing heroin addict, young girl like 12 year old with chroming marks around her mouth and off her face, children watching T.V. like nothing was happening while Mum had blood oozing from her face where Dad had beaten her up, a man dead for days in a busy apartment block and nobody had noticed until there were flies on the window. These were some of the people. It is ugly and not subtle, but it is these images I will probably keep weaving into my artwork as I go along? A lot of people don't understand subtle anyway when it is not something they have seen in the real world before or chose not to see it and I can understand why people turn away - screw up their nose and say why don't you paint nice pictures. Hmmm, why don't I? I am loving this show and it is the one that we watch as a family. A friend who studied psychology told me that it is good to have a T.V. show that you make so regular that regardless of what is going on in every bodies life in the family, you at least all turn up daily to the same place at the same time to enjoy it together. This might become ours. There were some stories about some of the invisible people tonight. So good for our children to see this. One of our daughters has a good friend at school from Bangladesh. Her parents are here on a working visa. There is a constant stress and uncertainty for their near distant future, not knowing if they can stay in Australia or not. Having a desire to at least have their daughter be able to finish her schooling in Australia is a priority as she has not had any in Bangladesh. Her Dad said to me when talking about the costs involved in renewing visa's 'it would be easier to come by boat'. The thought of my daughter or her friend, as her parents would have to envisage, having to be in a situation like that makes me shudder. This girl is one of the gentlest and beautifully kind people you could ever meet. Her parents are intelligent, resourceful and Dad is contributing to the education system in Brisbane and even this contribution is not recognised because he works 20 hours a week. It is not full time so it is not counted at all.
My family and I are about to move to Canberra. A new adventure. Mixed emotions. I think we live relatively simple...until it is time to move. I think that this will be good for me in the respect of shedding all the excessive things. I used to say I would be happy if all my possessions were burnt to the ground and I could live my days in a caravan by the ocean. Our children are not quite at the point of being happy with that, but they will realise soon enough less is more. Well Canberra is definitely not near the ocean, but I keep thinking back to a sentence from the book 'The Red Tent' that went something like, 'I found my happiness in the dry hills'. Not that I am not happy here because I am. I have my family and less is more. I wonder what I will see next. So I won't be producing any more images for a while. Sigh.
'When I get a minute' (iview) suggestion: 'Australia's Second Chance' written by George Megalogenis. Outlining Australia's colourful history. Halfway through reading it. It is very good.
Sport is as much a religion as any other form of group get-together. You have every walk of life joining in the ritualistic worship...with the every-now-and-then attendees, the everything in moderation lot and then extremists that give the group a bad wrap to any outsiders looking in deciding if they would like to join in. Spiritual realms, physical realms, philosophical realms, realms of beauty worship, educational...etc etc, can be applied to any gathering. 'Don't yuck my yum' - taken from the T.V. series 'Happy-ish'
I do try to look at a picture before explaination to see what levels I can read from it. How many layers are there and what meaning is within each layer. The artists explaination at the end always gives it more richness at the end, for me anyway. Here is some of my layering. I need to get out again into the world and out of my mind if this picture is anything to go by. Oh well, I would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying it.
Easter weekend guilty pleasure. Spent most of it watching the American T.V. series 'Community' written by Dan Harmon. We have had a free month of Stan T.V. and we are making the most of it. Our kids think all their Christmas' have come at once. This show is absolute gold. I went to TAFE which is probably the equivalent to community college in America. I have laughed and laughed. I swear some of the people with the greatest insight to humanity goes through TAFE...to produce something like this and nail the personalities and the world around us... TAFE in Australia has had the fees hiked right up over the last year so for all of us 'who might not fit in elsewhere' this sucks. The TAFE I went to at Red Hill has been half taken over (to be utilised by the Bronco's league club of all things. Here is a newspaper link of the take over with a quote from Tony Abbott "What we are doing is trying to help people, who are helping themselves" ). Re-open this form of education for minority groups that they might possibly afford and it will probably help save the government in a lot of other areas in the long run. We did not realise how good we had it at Red Hill until it was gone. This show sums up the benefits. I may be the last person on the planet to have watched this series, but I don't think too much has been lost on me. I am up to season three.
So just pointing out the obvious...just because...saturating the places in the world that need it most with the talent you have or some dollars you can spare has got to make a difference to the space we are in. Googling charities, the first one I take seriously that pops up is 'The Salvation Army - helps provide hope, opportunity and freedom to all Australians without discrimination'. I remember my Nana would always go to her salvation army mid week meetings without fail (even though she was in another church) and if there was a memory that lives in the hope of a better place, an acceptance of all and belly laughter, it is that of my Nana. I remember a woman being at the Downing Centre Court in Sydney on the odd times I had to go there and seeing Joyce Harmer (Salvation Army Officer) attending to any persons in a highly emotional state. She was incredible. I have just found a link here and it seems her husband also was doing the same work with offenders and Joyce with the victims. The link is a interview with George Negus (ABC) in 2004. Then I log onto the Salvation Army website this morning and up pops an old friend's face I went to school with in Lawrence with her family, Cynthia Bacon, who has lived on and off in Timor-Leste in south east Asia to help bring basic needs like clean water to villiages. I know that Cynthia was also teaching the women to sew for themselves and develop an income to sell their goods back here in Australia (I need to find a link for that??) There are people all over the place helping where help is needed and the least I can do is throw a few dollars regularly their way in support. They don't ram religion down people's throat but help where it is needed - as humble as they come just getting on with it. There are hundreds of charities out there doing good things. We all become a bit blind to the seemingly invisible and vital work people do when there always seems to be a hand out asking for money. Charity for lots of us does not begin at home, perspective is required just a little bit, we just have to look at the news. I have not been to Salvation Army things but I know the caliber of some of the people that are part of that body. Right hearts and right minds. How good would it be to place loads of money into the hands of the people who I know will use it only for the purpose of bringing a little bit of heaven to earth for people who have no means of bringing themselves out of whatever difficult state they are in. I sound positively like a commercial...anyone please make a regular donation (this link is for the good old Salvos). It does make a difference.
I found a website yesterday, skinnyartist.com that has a lot of good article links to it. One article that struck a cord was called Why so many artists are highly sensitive on The Creativity Post, and was promoting a book called Wired to Create by Scott Barry Kaufman and Carolyn Gregoire. It is really good to read articles that place introverts in a positive light. I am no longer willing to fight against my own personality, took me a long time to get to this point. Geez.
Okay so it is a couple of hours since I first posted this and having downloaded the book and started reading Wired to Create, I think every creative should read it or anybody who cares about a creative should read it to understand that person better. I have not finished it but loving it. More self reassurance!! When I went to New York last year somebody said to me that there is no such thing as the lone artist anymore. That all creatives work in collaboration. I must say that I wondered at that point why the hell should I keep doing this study. I wish this book was there 12 months ago. I feel after reading this book that I am a person that enjoys solitude and walking and water and daydreaming and avoiding too much social interaction (especially of the digital variety). I have been grieving. I don't need a psychologist. I might just be abnormally normal like everybody else who decides creativity is their path whatever form this takes. This book has lifted my spirits like you would not believe. That and plenty of prayer. |
Archives
February 2019
KyLIE spindlerBrisbane visual artist Categories
All
|